I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well you can't waste a boner
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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