Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
