How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
