Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
