I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize