I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
