He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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