Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
