So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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