the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
