i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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