I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
