ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
