how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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