Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
