so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
