Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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