this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
