I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize