I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
