don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
