My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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