we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
