HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
