it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I love having hate sex.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
