Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
