You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
