Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Text me some of your sweat
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