I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
