I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
