God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
