i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
