4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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