Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
