Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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