Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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