Got a toothbrush?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
