It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
