It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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