Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
