I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
