and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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