Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found puke in my bra..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
