This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
