clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
