Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
