I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk is not a location!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
