I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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