I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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