How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
