yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
