if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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