Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
