I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
