Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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