come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My breasts were aching with rage.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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