New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
