Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
