Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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