he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
