never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
