I cockslap morals
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
