doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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