Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
