i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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