shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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