i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
