went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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