I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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