I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
