Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
