Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
