Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
