paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
