I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
