the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
