Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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