can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
