hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
