Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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