office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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