I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
