i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
