i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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