I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
