giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
