a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize