saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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