Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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