sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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