I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
