And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
