Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
