thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
