the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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