so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
