So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
