she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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