you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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