found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
