A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
